My Story

Just so lost....can't seem to do anything properly can I?... :(

Group assignments are really a pain in the a**. It's so irritating and weird that 3 ppl are supposed to come up with an essay. While it's true that we should discuss and distribute the workload among us, things may not be as easy and straightforward. During this painful period of CTW, there are times when I seem to have an idea and my group members are not on the same page. And with my lack of ability to express exactly what I am thinking, I don't think I got through to them. It's so difficult trying to get them to understand what I am thinking or even vice versa. Plus, the topic is so wide that we tend to go out of our main "thesis"...if or ever our thesis is even clear. There comes times when I just feel like throwing everything away and starting on a brand new, narrower, more specific topic...but because it's a group thing I just can't do that. It will be time and effort wasted...

Then, of course different groups will have different kind of members. Some 'sleeping' members, some hogging members, some are neutral. I must admit that I'm guilty of all 3. Sometimes you just feel so sick of the topic that you don't really want to contribute anything anymore, yet you know you must push on to get that better grade you hope that you can achieve. So, you take on all the responsibilities of the paper and promise to have an output...this I don't mind...although it may be a big amount of workload...but at least if it's done my urself you are kind of more confident with the work produced rather than other ppl's work...though I don't feel it's a very good group ethic...but at this point of time, u're just so desperate to get things done that you js don't care...as long as you feel it's alright...make the group feel okay with it...then everything should be alright. Cos I just HATE last minute rushes and dragging work...note that this does not apply to work only...I don't like last minute actions and dragginess...

So, the one week midterms is over finally. Overall....well what u expect...it's me...and for me it's always not too good.

MLE1101 - Relatively alright though I think that I should have looked more clearly at one question which is sure to come out. But, as usual I din...and well dunno what my marks will look like. If I'm lucky, just a bit above average...if I am lucky...

MA1506 - Ok I just found out that my Maths totally sucks. No matter how much I practice, no matter what I do, I still suck. Crap la...it's only one chapter and I'm already struggling. What more can I do I really dunno...practice more? Nvr give up? Easier said than done...

CS1102C - Well, this one is a killer module and I nvr expected to do the paper anyway...so this one is another one down the drains...

CS1231 - Most ppl will get full marks for this paper cos it's really quite easy...I found it okla...at least could do all...but guess I'm bound to get a mistake somewhere...

So how...midterms like this....finals how...study how much only can make it up? I just really hope that it's possible to dig out time...

Yesterday and tonight we had the rehearsal for the Phoenix Fest on Tuesday night. I had to go to help set up the tech stuff for it...and it's not easy...quite complicated but my main job is js to plug in the wires, coil and uncoil them that's all. Just quite disappointed though...supposedly everyone is supposed to come down for this Phoenix Fest thing...but as usual they turn up and then disappear soon after. Well, maybe it's really quite boring to sit there as there is not much to do during the event. But the least they can do is offer to help in the clearing up as well. Just suddenly feel quite stupid to be staying there all the while but I just don't like the feeling of js leaving...it's not as though I have much to do there, it's not as though I don't have any work of my own to do. In fact, because of this, my work is lagging behind...I try to organise my time around this event...why can't others do that too...after discrete points are given out they can just anyhow disappear la? I'm amazes at the excuses that ppl give...it's amazing how simple it is and it works all the time. The next time...I'm also gonna say I got test...assignment...bla bla bla. But, I don't think I'll have the heart to. Crap la...js hv this "hate" feeling in me...argh....sien...

I just roamed into an old fren's friendster page and went to c her blog. The latest post was dated months back. The whole blog is so dark and gloomy. Either she only blogs when she's moody (which I hope is the case) or she really feels her life is that miserable. I've known her since I was standard 5...and considered grew up with her and was quite close to her cos of out mutual activity, Taekwondo. Through the years, I've seen her grow from a sweet girl to a somewhat tomboy...I thought it's just a phase of life...as the tomboy-ness behaviour is quite 'in' especially in a girl's school like ours. But, it kinda stuck on her...whatever factors that drives her to this decision it's ok...I dun care...she still is my fren...but to sense that she's so miserable is so saddening to me. I nvr really got to talk heart-to heart stuff with her just once in a while she expresses what is going on in her life and what she feels...just that few moments I don't feel it's adequate...I nvr realised...and have not much chance to advise her...I have always imagined her to be this happy, cheerful, friendly girl that is so confident when socializing that she doesn't have any problems in anything...now that I'm in Singapore I don't meet her very often...I don't really have contact with her...I feel as though I can't do much...though I really feel I want to and I ought to...The recent time I went to pasar malam in Klang I met her, and she seemed quite odd...quite weird...din really talk much to me...either she js woke up or something really is wrong deep down inside haih...what can I do what can I??? I really don't want this old fren to js slip away into someone I totally dunno...I don't want to lose a fren this way....y do ppl change...it's sad...